THE SECRET DIARY OF AUTISTIC N!CK
FUN FACT Samuel Pepys (1633–1703) is the earliest diarist who is well known today.
FUN FACT Diaries are records of that person’s daily life as well as their opinions which are organised by date.
FUN FACT The first publication of private diaries occurred in 1818, with John Evelyn’s record of his life in 17th century England.
FUN FACT The, Letts company began producing large formatted diaries in the 1820s. By the 1850s, they were selling thousands of diaries every year.
Diaries were once kept by snooty upper-class aristocrat English folk
But are now as common as someone from a reality show.
In those days the snooty upper-class aristocrat Englander would walk into their study, sit themselves down and reaching out for a quill would dip it into a bottle of ink and then bring it down onto a sheet of A4 virginal white paper and begin constructing sentences that were forming into their head.
Mundane things were recorded back then like this entry from a woman named Mrs Beryl Patmore who worked as a head cook in an English country manor.
Not much is known about this woman, but her diary entries were found in the pages of a Mrs Beeton cookbook.
It is believed that she worked in a kitchen in 1912.
A photo of her was found attached to the front cover.
She looked like this
THURSDAY 4th MAY 1945
Our weekly vegetable delivery has arrived and after paying the man 4 schillings and 8 I have discovered to my horror that we are two turnips and four carrots short. I immediately telephoned the man on his land line, and after speaking to his wife. I was told that the man would come back by the end of the day with the missing vegetables. He would be home in four hours, his wife would greet him, inform him of what had happened, he’d have a quick visit to the lavatory and then he’d hop back onto his horse and cart, travelling back to see me and then before midnight he’d be home to see a sandwich laid out for him on the table. He’d find a beer in the fridge and sitting down to eat his sandwich no doubt he’d be cursing my name. But with guests coming this week I cannot afford to be short on vegetables and risk losing my job.
But what if you dear readers were able to read my diary entries for the week?
Well I have stupidly considered this and below are exerts from my secret dairy.
Please enjoy this week’s entries….
MONDAY 20TH MAY
I awake and after splashing some Evian water onto my face I enter the kitchen. I like to fool the world into thinking that I am refreshed and prepared for the day. In reality in the night about a thousand trucks have come and ran themselves over my face and my hair. I look like I have been attacked by a stray cat. After breakfast and watching some breakfast TV I go for my daily run. Once showered I have my snack and then I sit down and read my emails and check text messages and possible missed phone calls. An email reminds me that I have a meeting tomorrow at 10 in the city. So, I begin planning for that.
TUESDAY 21ST MAY
I don’t set an alarm clock, I have over the years trained my body to wake me up when needed. It never fails, and I have never missed an appointment. I wake at 7.45 AWST and enter the kitchen. Due to me having to shave I decide that toast would be the quicker option breakfast wise. Once shaved and showered it’s time to decide on today’s outfit. By 8.30 AWST I am ready to begin packing my backpack. I print out my list of questions, making sure that I have a pen or two in my bag, I also prepare myself a sandwich and fill a water bottle up. I drop in a snack and my word search book by 8.45 I am out of the door driving towards the train station. In the afternoon I listen to the TV Blackbox podcast.
WEDNESDAY 22ND MAY
This morning I am meeting Janine my mentor and best friend and blogging guru for breakfast. I am the first to arrive. It is a place that I have been to before, so I am not going to be overwhelmed. I arrive only to find that they don’t open until 10.30 AM! Janine meets me, and we discuss where to go. We enter the shopping centre. To call it a shopping centre is giving this place airs and graces that it doesn’t deserve. Anyway, we have a pleasant time catching up, gossiping, laughing and enjoying spending time in each other’s company. In the afternoon I listen to the Movie reviews in 20 Q’s podcast.
THURSDAY 23RD MAY
The latest podcast from Tasteless is out today so I am currently listening to that. I have been sending emails to people but haven’t heard anything back from any of them. I won’t mention who they are but on Monday it’s time for a reminder or a text message! Spent the day writing and crafting my fourth novel. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages and checking emails before supper was served. Question why is wearing too much navy frowned upon? I spent the afternoon listening to the lastet podcast from the retro cinema.
FRIDAY 24TH MAY
I still haven’t despite being assured a reply to an email I sent over a week ago! It’s 8.45 AM and our cleaner is due here at 9. So, it’s quick hop into the shower, get dressed and then while she’s cleaning I can go out and do the weekly shop. One she’s been let in and I have remembered to transfer the shopping money over from the shopping money account (who would have thought I would have named it that?) I get into my car and drive to Aldi. I don’t consider Aldi a nightmare to shop in, but I wish that they would turn down the annoying “register 3 is open” followed by “register four is open” and then “register 3 and 4 are closing” other highlights include “manger to the registers” these continue to play out and alert us to this earth shattering fact until the manager or the check out person reaches their till and presses the stop button! Once I am home I can relax and un pack and have a tea and chat (a quick one) with the cleaner. She’s got a lot of vacuuming to do and that bathroom won’t self-clean itself.
SATURDAY 25TH MAY
I am currently writing this diary entry at my IKEA built desk. I have consumed a mug of hot tea and lunch time is literally around the corner. For breakfast I had scrambled eggs on toast. I don’t know what to have for lunch as it’s at least an hour away and I can’t think that far ahead. I hate making early decisions. I have logged into my social media accounts, sent out some tweets, checked my posts on my Facebook page and I am considering going outside to have a walk and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine.
So, there are go dear readers a rare glimpse into my life.
I know some of you were hoping for it to read like an episode of the real housewives of but sadly my life isn’t as dramatic or exciting as that.
I am unable to add over the top dramatic music and heavy editing to make a situation appear to be something more than it is.
Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading exerts from my secret diary.
Carry on the Conversation
Do you keep a diary?
Would you ever publish it?
Let me know in the comments section below
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Thank you for reading and I will see you next time for more thoughts from across the spectrum.