Autistic Nick, Excel Spreadsheets and the ABC

Autistic Nick, Excel Spreadsheets and the ABC

This week I have been hunched over an Excel spreadsheet with a calculator in one hand and an open tab goggling how best to forgot to pay my employee’s their wages.

I mean it’s left me in such a conundrum.

On the one hand there are PDF tables where I have to cross reference what the award wage is based on a person’s age and then on the other what’s the best tactic for keeping quiet and claiming that I had memory loss and using that as my excuse.

I mean it’s not as if I in all honesty I thought that the fair work ombudsman would come a knocking at my door and demand that I pay back 515 workers a grand sum of $7.8 million.

I mean I can’t afford that it’s not as if I have a $7.5 Million property portfolio.

Or that I spent a grand total of $2.735 million renovating a 1930s four-bedroom house on Grange Road in Toorak an affluent inner suburb of Melbourne, Victoria.

No, I’m not talking about me no I’m talking about what ex MasterChef and financial swindler George Dimitrios Calombaris is going through.

George Working from his Excel Spreadsheet
George Attempting to make his calculator stay on zero

No my week started like this…..

MONDAY

Monday is like being whacked around the head with a shovel. You know it’s coming but still when the day actually arrives it jolts you awake at 5 AM in the morning to remind you. It’s like a drunken mate coming back from a night out. You pray that they don’t barge into your room in the early hours of Monday morning, because you have to be at work for 7.45 AM to start a power point presentation but they do, and you spend the rest of the day plotting your revenge. Your moment arrives later that night when you crush laxatives into their Spaghetti Bolognese and sit back and enjoy the show. Yes, your exposing your cruel side and you decide to work on it the next time you have your counselling session. That reminds you to put toilet paper down on the shopping list.

TUESDAY

With Monday out of the way, my hopes were riding high for Tuesday to step up and be entertaining and productive. It’s neither of these things. An over cast day isn’t helping matters. I write and eat a light lunch. I am exhausted as I have been pressing the backspace button one to many times. Why oh why won’t this piece that I am working on structurally flow better? I go for a walk. This doesn’t help. I scroll through various websites but that doesn’t help either. This piece is simply like Monday, it needs to be left alone to think and contemplate what it’s done.

WEDNESDAY

I attempt to dive back into what I was writing about yesterday. I coax it and pay it compliments and it works, and I am on fire. My fingers are rushing to tap the words out that my brain is trying its hardest to keep up with it all! By lunch time I am drinking hot tea from a mug and enjoying my egg sandwich. After a nap in the afternoon it’s back to my writing and a peaceful afternoon except for a dog howling in a garden behind my house. I also send a text message about my photoshoot that is happening tomorrow. The photojournalist telephones me in the afternoon and we make arrangements to meet in East Perth at 10AM the following day.

THURSDAY

I am sitting inside a café inside the ABC building in East Perth. Hugo is explaining his concept to me about our photoshoot. As he sips his honey infused coffee, I nod my head agreeing to his conceptual ideas. We are now outside a block of fancy apartments. Hugo is on the other side on the grass verge that separates us. It’s actually a water laneway for dogs I believe. Well I see a dog paddling in it and so I’ve drawn that conclusion. Anyway, after checking the light, I assume my poses and we begin. We leave and retreat back inside the ABC building for some more personal shots. One is me looking as if I am writing on a lap top inside a café. The other is of me ‘pretending to search’ a popular job website, with the logo of the company reflecting in my glasses. Then we head upstairs Our final shots are of me sitting on a chair as others in the building pass me (they’ll be blurry) when you see the article you’ll understand. The photo’s look awesome. I leave and am back home eating my lunch by 1 PM.

ABC PERTH FOYER
ABC PERTH FOYER
ABC PERTH FOYER
ABC PERTH FOYER

FRIDAY

After a simple breakfast of hot buttered toast and a very enjoyable mug of hot tea I go and shower and then head to the shops to do my weekly shop. An unenjoyable experience I’m sure you’ll agree. With the sky overcast and the temperature currently sitting at 14 degrees I am writing this blog cast facing an uncertain day weather wise. For lunch I feel like an egg sandwich and some kettle chips. My thoughts drift back to George sitting there reading the newspaper or fielding calls from streaming services about a possible cooking collaboration with the other two Gary and Matt, his near empty coffee cup sits on the galvanised marble counter top. Outside of his sound insulated walls are the chants of angry protesters (having found out where he is currently residing) wave about placards which are scrolled with angry words and offensive language about him and his ethics surrounding paying them back. Because for George he prefers to live inside his own little protective bubble where bad words, nasty confronting people and a film crew from a current affair can’t touch him.

SATURDAY

Today is the day! My article has appeared on the ABC news website! Overjoyed and proud can’t begin to describe what I am feeling right now!  I’ll be posting the link to the article on my various social media accounts over the weekend. Another important event is happening today and that is that Janine Ripper and I are finally meeting up for lunch.

SUNDAY

After yesterday’s celebrations I am having a quiet uneventful day at home relaxing.

SHOUT OUTS

In no particular order I want to thank the following people

John Macdonald (CEO of Kira Community Services)

Robert Koenig-Luck ABC News/Content maker

Andrew O’Connor News Editor ABC News WA

Liam Phillips Digital Editor ABC News WA

Hugh Sando Photo Journalist ABC News WA

Carry on the Conversation

As always, I can also be found on Twitter: @AutisticNick9 and at my email autisticnick9@gmail.com

If you like what you have seen on the site today, then show your support by liking the Autistic Nick https://www.facebook.com/autisticnick9/ Facebook page.

Thank you for reading and I will see you next time for more thoughts from across the spectrum.

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