AUTISTIC NICK DATING AND DISAPPOINTMENT
Last week I wrote an article about dating at the end of the post I cheekily wrote If you are a single man and would like to go on a date with me drop me a line!
A week has passed since I wrote that.
And low and behold I haven’t received a single dm, email, telegram, letter (handwritten), asking me to go on a date, not even a smidge of a flirt.
Now, it starts to make me think that I am undatable in some respects?
I start to question & over analyse things about myself.
I started to seriously consider that my Autism (as I said in the article) really is a barrier here?
Are men really put off by me being Autistic?
Am I unlovable?
Am I worthy of being loved?
Ok, look this is starting to feel like a made for TV movie made by the Hallmark channel, where a single gay guy who’s Autistic, struggles to find love in the small, coastal town that he lives in, but wait a new pizzeria is opening. The owners Gianni son comes to ask if he can leave his flyers for the grand opening on the counter top of the book shop where Ben works. A small flirt takes place between the two of them, suggestive Italian puns about pizza’s, and sausages are made. By the end of the two-hour movie, Ben and Gianni are married and live happily ever after.
But that it in a scripted movie world, where the two men are told to fall in love, sure they’ll have some highs and lows but it’s in the script that they over come their issues with some musical numbers, some mis understandings, and the love of Italian food.
I on the other hand am left with a lot of questions spinning and rolling around inside my head.
I don’t have someone called Gianni, to come home to at night. He’s not standing at my gas top stove with homemade pasta boiling in a pan, a tomato sauce isn’t being offered to me to be sampled. We are not having full on fights, where he reverts back to Italian and then we make long, passionate love afterwards.
No, what I have is the worry that I get the distinct impression that my Autism really is a barrier to me finding love here?
Am I wrong?
Because so far nothing is changing my opinion here.
How many dating websites do I have to join?
Why aren’t my friends helping me out here?
I did join another dating website this week, even though I am already on so many!
As yet nothing has come of it!
And yet nothing comes of it!
I am not inundated with messages from guys looking for a chat and then a possible date.
I am really starting to want to be Ben and live his romantic live with Gianni.
I’m on a dating site, but I haven’t divulged my autism information. Why do you ask? Well, there isn’t a drop-down box for it.
But if you do get to the first date stage, how soon do you bring it up?
Would it go like this:
“Hi, I’m Nick and I have Autism? Are you having a starter?”
As they run like a bat out of hell towards the nearest exit! But there are other factors to take into consideration:
- We aren’t the most sociable sector of the disability community.
- We’re not into busy places and prefer somewhere quiet and relaxed to eat.
- We’re not very good conversationalists.
- We tend to talk in long, unbroken sequence of words. The idea of actually taking a pause or that important part of how a conversation actually works, i.e., with the other person having to take part doesn’t register with us.
- We don’t have an understanding that we can’t just babble on about our favourite topic of conversation.
- We have difficulty in listening.
- We also have trouble responding to a conversation.
- And lastly, we have issues with maintaining eye contact.
I don’t have the answers, but what I do have is the urge to order more garlic bread.
Until I work out a way to find love, I guess I’ll continue to socialise in my own limited way until I can summons the courage to eventually do something about it. Or just consume a lot of carbs.
Carry on the Conversation
As always, I can be found on Twitter:@AutisticNickAU
Thank you for reading and I will see you next time for more thoughts from across the spectrum.