AUTISTIC NICK MAKES SOME DECISIONS
I’m going to just come out and say it I hate making any kind of decisions.
There I feel slightly better after admitting that.
I’m not sure what it is about the decision-making process that I don’t like.
It could be that after I’ve said yes to something I begin to instantly regret it.
Or it could be that I play repeatedly in my head the worst possible outcome only for it to be not as bad as I thought, which has happened on several occasions.
But yet here I find myself having to make or at the very least I’m standing at the decision-making crossroads and I’m unsure of what to do.
In no particular order here is what I’m currently faced with.
AUTISTIC NICK’S FACEBOOK PAGE
At the time this to me made the most sense as another outlet to promote my blog and increase my audience.
Lately & this is just my impression/opinion it doesn’t feel as if this is the right fit for me moving forward.
I’m not getting the engagements that I once had.
This could be due to the nature of the blog posts, or people aren’t as interested as they once were.
I don’t know.
The content is what I would want to read, and I can only reflect what’s happening in my life as an Autistic adult.
Sometimes that may be boring or dull to some.
I don’t know.
I’m not looking for the sympathy vote here nor am I being too precious I’m just viewing my opinion.
I’m considering shutting down the Facebook page.
I haven’t made any decisions yet but it’s something that I’m looking into.
MY SCREENWRITING MENTORING
After I wrote this post https://autisticnick.com/2021/10/19/2971/ on the 19th October I have been experiencing more or less the same difficulties that I was facing then.
I think that after this week’s Zoom call and subsequent email that it’s maybe time to step back from this project and re-group in the new year?
This if I agree will give me time to re fuel and be hopefully in a better head space.
EXERCISE PHYSIOLOGY XMAS PARTY
After a grueling work-out even if I do say so myself!
I noticed people were filling in a form or some kind, curious I couldn’t help but glance over to see what it was.
They were writing their name and what type of dish they were going to be bringing to the exercise physiology Xmas BBQ party.
I’m not overly keen to participate in this.
For one I’m not keen on engaging socially with people I barely know.
I mean I have a chat with them, but I hardly know them outside of the gym environment.
I can hear the crowds of voices saying “But Nick, you know them to speak to, it’ll be alright”
And maybe it will.
I only have to (if I’m going to go bring a sweet or savory dish), I don’t have to stay too long if I don’t want to, they know that if I walk away for whatever reason that it’s not personal and that I could just be needing time away.
Look I haven’t made up my mind as yet.
When I do I’ll let you know.
I’ve written a lot of articles about dating https://autisticnick.com/2021/04/05/autistic-nick-dating-and-disappointment/ on this one I wrote about the sheer disappointment of not feeling worthy enough and unsure if I was indeed dateable?
It’s getting to the point where I’m seriously considering just deleting all of my dating profiles and just finding other avenues to pursue?
I don’t want to end up in my fifties and be alone and surrounded by 60+ cats.
No, what I have is the worry that I get the distinct impression that my Autism really is a barrier to me finding love here?
Am I wrong?
Because so far nothing is changing my opinion here.
How many dating websites do I have to join?
Why aren’t my friends helping me out here?
I did join another dating website this week, even though I am already on so many!
As yet nothing has come of it!
I’m on a dating site, but I haven’t divulged my Autism information. Why do you ask? Well, there isn’t a drop-down box for it.
But if you do get to the first date stage, how soon do you bring it up?
Would it go like this?
“Hi, I’m Nick and I have Autism? Are you having a starter?”
As they run like a bat out of hell towards the nearest exit! But there are other factors to take into consideration:
- We aren’t the most sociable sector of the disability community.
- We’re not into busy places and prefer somewhere quiet and relaxed to eat.
- We’re not very good conversationalists.
- We tend to talk in long, unbroken sequence of words. The idea of actually taking a pause or that important part of how a conversation actually works, i.e., with the other person having to take part doesn’t register with us.
- We don’t have an understanding that we can’t just babble on about our favourite topic of conversation.
- We have difficulty in listening.
- We also have trouble responding to a conversation.
- And lastly, we have issues with maintaining eye contact.
I don’t have the answers, but what I do have is the urge to order more garlic bread.
Until I work out a way to find love, I guess I’ll continue to socialise in my own limited way until I can summons the courage to eventually do something about it. Or just consume a lot of carbs.
So, as you can see I’ve got some decisions to make!
Once I’ve made them, I’ll update you if I make any!
Carry on the Conversation
Do you struggle to make decisions?
Let me know in the comment section below
As always, I can be found on Twitter:@AutisticNickAU
Thank you for reading and I will see you next time for more thoughts from across the spectrum.