A Question with no answer



Ugh! I hate making decisions.

There I said it.

I’ve finally gotten it off my chest.

Every day I am faced with the decision-making process, like what to have for breakfast, or lunch or what to wear, or where to go to meet a friend for a coffee.

It’s a tiring and exhausting process.

If I was told to eat this and do that, I wouldn’t necessarily find it offensive in the beginning, but you can bet ya slowly like a coin being dropped into a charity tin or that moment you realise something about someone, and the penny drops I will retaliate in the highest!

I am faced with a constant barrage of decisions on a daily basis like do I leave out a comma in this blog and then wait for the grammar police of word to come along and highlight it for me because they derive in the pleasure of seeing me sigh after they’ve highlighted it in blue and they want me to come along and right click it to see what the blue highlight is all about.

If I have to make a decision, then I gather all those elements that make up the decision-making committee and we sit down within the confines of my brain and we workshop it.

Firstly, we look at what exactly the decision is.

Secondly, what are the pros and cons.

Thirdly will there be any backlash received from me saying no to going somewhere.

I really put my all into attempting as best as I can to see it from all perspectives and angles when it comes to either saying “yes” to something or “no”.

It come to the point where I’ll either ask friends for some advice or speak with my occupational therapist about it.

Now I don’t often say no just for the sake of saying no.

There could be any number of reasons why I’ve come to that decision.

I could be exhausted, I could be overwhelmed, I could be uninterested, I could have worked out that it may take 3-4 hours to get to the place where I’ve been invited to and that’s just too long for me to travel in a car. Even if we took breaks I’d need to stay overnight somewhere and then do say the extra two hours the following day.

So, you see I have to take a lot into consideration, its not only the time it may take, it’s who I’m going/travelling with, where are we staying, what facilities are about, cafes, places to go and visit etc.

Once I’m there what’s on offer?

Will it be something that I am interested in?

How long will we be away for?

How are we travelling there?

By car or plane?

What’s the accommodation like?

Do I have all of my sensory items that I’ll need to take with me?

There’s a lot to weigh up here it’s not just and “yeah let’s jump in the car and go for a weekend break” or “we’re going to this café for lunch” type situation.

I need to have all of the information provided to me beforehand and then I need to be allowed to make my decision without fear of offending people/persons.

I’m sitting here now thinking about what I want for lunch!

My minds working out what it may want!

I am also thinking about what’s for dinner tonight along with what decisions I may need to make next week with regards to work and up coming articles that I am going to be pitching/writing.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could text or ring a number and that whole decision-making process was taken out of your/mine hands and someone else was responsible for that whole process?

Oh, the joy of it all!

Someone else would have all that pressure and it would be taken away from me!

But that would only elevate one aspect of this process.

The sensory environmental and being overwhelmed process for me wouldn’t be removed and that would be something that I would have to content/deal with as an Autistic person.

There’s no escaping that for me.

I can’t switch that aspect of being Autistic off.

It comes with the disability.

It’s part and parcel of daily life for an Autistic person.

So, for now I’ll sit here and work out what I want to eat for lunch and hope that whatever that maybe it will satisfy me and be delicious.

Update I had a bacon sandwich for lunch, and it was divine.

Update this is my 300th blog post!!


As always, I can also be found on Twitter:@AutisticNickAU and on the Official Autistic Nick Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/AutisticNickAU/

Thank you for reading and I will see you next time for more thoughts from across the spectrum.

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