AUTISTIC NICK AND THURSDAY

AUTISTIC NICK AND THURSDAY

I switch on the power button on my computer and wait for it to load.

I then get out my notebook with my log in details in it and then log in.

I look around and then my emails begin to load and as they do I see an email which throws me.

My point of contact is sick.

I had a feeling on my train journey that this was going to happen.

I can’t explain it, I just had a gut feeling.

Either way I wasn’t prepared.

I thought of what should have been in place, what some thoughtful person should have considered given its me, but no.

The onslaught of various sounds begins to come into play.

The office clock ticking loudly on the wall, the phones ringing constantly, the clicking of computer keys and mouses clicking away, people taking and partaking in Zooms, it’s all happening around me.

I am left alone now.

I thought I could cope.

I was wrong.

I tried.

I really tried.

I acknowledged that I was unable to achieve one task so I had to come up with a plan.

This involved me thinking and attempting to remember what strategies I had in place for myself if I found myself in this situation again. (This isn’t the first time that this has happened to me.)

Placing aside what I couldn’t do, I then had to think of what I could do.

I came up with a plan.

I would research future article ideas and have that ready in a word document format.

The office clock is still ticking loudly on the wall, the phones are still ringing constantly, the clicking of computer keys and mouses clicking away hasn’t stopped, people are still taking and partaking in Zooms, it’s still all happening around me.

I’m feeling confident with this, I am focused and engaged and I am not distracted by anything or anyone.

I am considering all the story angles, I am working hard despite all the of the office clock which is still ticking loudly on the wall, the phones are still ringing constantly, the clicking of computer keys and mouses clicking away hasn’t stopped, people are still taking and partaking in Zooms, it’s still all happening around me.

I’m doing well with this.

Until 12.11pm AWST.

Up until that moment I had achieved something.

I had pushed through all that was going on around me.

I had considered and utilised all my strategies that I had.

I was running on empty by the point.

I sent a text to my sister.

Hoping that she would have an answer for me.

It was then that due to all the noise the office clock still ticking loudly on the wall, the phones still ringing constantly, the clicking of computer keys and mouses clicking away hadn’t stopped, and people are still taking and partaking in Zooms.

I left the office.

I had a headache (a migraine perhaps) I ‘m not sure it was a serve one and coupled with being overwhelmed I decided to leave the environment that I was in currently and depart.

I sat on the train and ate my lunch.

I was highly aware of everything that was going on around me on the train.

Every noise cut deep into my body.

I could still hear all the noises from the office of the office clock still ticking loudly on the wall, the phones still ringing constantly, the clicking of computer keys and mouses clicking away, people are still taking and partaking in Zooms, it’s still all happening around me.

My body was being affected by all those noises.

It was as if my body was the loud clock ticking away.

It was as if my body was the constant ringing of the non-stop phones.

It was as if my body was the constant clicking of computer keys and the mouse.

It was as if my body was all the people still talking and being on their zoom calls.

I was crying inside.

I just wanted to get home.

I wanted to shower and to go to bed.

My head hurt.

I was like a rabbit’s foot continually thumping away inside my head.

I got into that shower and as the hot water hit me, I felt a sense of clam.

I felt a sense of relief.

I started to relax.

I didn’t feel abandoned.

I climbed into my bed and fell asleep.

I needed to shut out everything.

All the noises, that were running through my body.

I needed to shut out the world.

I just needed to be in a place of safety (my bed).

I needed to forget this day.

I needed to forget Thursday.

Carry on the Conversation

As always, I can also be found on Twitter:@AutisticNickAU and on the Official Autistic Nick Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/AutisticNickAU/ Thank you for reading and I will see you next time for more thoughts from across the spectrum.