AUTISTIC NICK, DRUMBEATS, AND HIS MELTDOWN

AUTISTIC NICK, DRUMBEATS, AND HIS MELTDOWN

I would appreciate it if there had been a warning beforehand.

Unfortunately, there never is and there never will be.

Sure, there are signs, but they can easily be ignored.

They can be blatant, or they can be brushed off as nothing more than an annoyance.

Looking back on it I did the latter.

I began my day as if it was any other Tuesday, I got on the train, walked into the office and started work.

But my head and my Autism had other ideas.

Inside my head a slow murmuring drumbeat was being played out.

Softly, softly it went, bit by bit, enough for it to continue and for me to ignore.

I was composing and sending emails, holding conversations with various people, and yet in the background the drumbeat kept it rhythm.

Softly, softly the drumbeat went, bit by bit, enough for it to continue and for me to ignore.

I went about my business, I started to research things, I went and held more conversations, I had ideas, I had lunch, I made cups of tea. I sent more emails, I even at one point went for a slow walk to grab some fresh air.

Softly, softly the drumbeat went, bit by bit, enough for it to continue and for me to ignore.

Even outside in the cool fresh air of a Tuesday afternoon I failed to hear that drumbeat.

Back inside my head was beginning to start to ache.

I found and located some headache tablets and took two.

Little did I know that two wouldn’t even touch the sides (but that information was coming later on in the day.)

Softly, softly the drumbeat went, bit by bit, enough for it to continue and for me to ignore.

I left work and took the train back home.

My headache was now in full pounding mode.

Those bloody drums and its continuous beat kept up its incessant noise as softly, softly the drumbeat went, bit by bit, enough for it to continue and for me to ignore.

But by now I couldn’t ignore it.

I just needed to get home.

I took a shower and got into bed.

I slept for an hour and a half.

I woke and stood on my carpet inside my bedroom and uttered the words.

“NO, NO, NO, NO.”

Big fat tears began to spring from my eyes.

My hands were shaking as was my whole body.

Once released they didn’t stop.

Along with the incessant drumbeat, my pounding headache it all became too much for me to handle.

I needed some pain relief.

I needed a hug.

I needed to rid myself of these tears that wouldn’t stop leaving my tear ducts.

The culmination of that day, and the past 9 weeks had finally caught up with me and my body was allowing itself to be vulnerable and be present in the Autistic moment.

I allowed what is a natural characteristic and trait of being Autistic and in that moment allowed myself to release my meltdown.

It’s now Friday and I still have a headache.

It won’t leave.

I have abandoned my sensory box and any sensory items.

I am still in recovery mode from the meltdown.

I am in my bedroom and I am safe and I can see my bed which is the place where I really want to be.

I want to envelop and immerse myself inside my duvet cover.

I want to feel that reassuring warmth.

I am still processing the day and any/all events that lead me to this point.

I have barely said two words to anyone.

I just want the headache to disappear.

I want the tears to stop.

I have acknowledged that it occurred and now I want to move on from it all.

My hands and my body are still on full alert, the drumbeats have subsided, and I am thankful for that small mercy.

I haven’t given myself the time to sit down and at least attempt to pin point what triggered it and I don’t think that I will for probably a week or so.

I need to concentrate on myself and my recovery from this meltdown.

I will eventually workout what I need to do and what sensory items that I need from my sensory box if any but I am not ready.

I don’t know if a week will be enough time for me to recover from this.

I guess my body will let me know.

In its own time.

CARRY ON THE CONVERSATION

How do you recover from a meltdown?

What works for you in terms of you having a successful recovery?

Let me know in the comments section below.

As always, I can also be found on Twitter:@AutisticNickAU and on the Official Autistic Nick Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/AutisticNickAU/ 

Thank you for reading and I will see you next time for more thoughts from across the spectrum.